Right lets lay the cards in the table. I have sex. You have sex (presumably). Everyone has sex (more or less). So lets get over the fact people have sex as its a common, everyday thing, not a taboo, its the process used to make babies and has been done since time has begun. So lets all grow up a little and stop getting over excited about a sex induced film. Also I'm stating this fact before anyone blasts me, I AM NOT being prude, shy, unsexed, clueless, a wallflower or frigid in anyway shape or form. Ive had two babies within two years for goodness sakes so I'm no saint am I? I am one of those who is against 50 Shades Of Grey, book and film, due to the fact I am not interested in S&M, BDSM, submissive and controlling sexual practises or any form of abuse when it comes to relationships. People in this "lifestyle" are each to their own, I live and let live. From what I've read about S&M and BDSM its a selective, private, controlled and safe sexual group of consensual adults not enforcing rape and control. Something 50 Shades hasn't followed.
The promotion and glorification of this film is infuriating me. It promotes that abuse is okay in the form of sexual, psychological, emotional and physical control if a sexy man in a suit is the abuser. If you think this is "romance" then you've been reading the wrong fairy tales! I am not a feminist, revolutionist, rioter, protester or negative Nancy (before that is thrown at me also) or anything other than a mother of two very young girls who sees this shit in a different light. The fact this franchise gives the feeling of elaborating, glorifying and celebrating that women are born to "obey Mr Grey" or any other person for that matter, I find deeply disturbing. We do not promote safe sex or consensual sex enough in schools these days so lets add this famous, hyped up, over advertised film that everyone wants to see to the mix. Can you see the problem yet? People aren't complaining theres sex in the film, there complaining its not normal behaviour. If a woman feels she should be treated in this way or a man feels he can subject a woman to it, im sorry this is very very wrong. Men and women aren't objects for other people to use and abuse. This book and film is saturated with control, even rape. Read some exerts and quotes, it really is quite too much. He forces her to have relentless and constant sex when she says no, tells her to stop struggling or he will gag her and tie her up completely restraining her, ignores safe words, tells her he will tap her phone and hunt her down, tells her theres nowhere to run when he takes her away, says he owns her, says shes his property, wants her not to be able to walk after hes "finished" with her, calls her names the list goes on. Wow, dream man right there ladies. Theres so much obvious and subliminal control in this book/film its overwhelming.
The film is cert 18. At 18 I was completely clueless about sex, utterly clueless, and if I were to watch this film today at 18 id be even more clueless, confused and possibly at risk from unwanted behaviour and pressures. Yet if I was an 18 year old lad today Id honestly think its OK, this is what all girls want, I can do this to her, I'm the one in charge, if its in a film its OK everybody does it. Already its been stated at least 4 out of 10 underage girls feel pressured and forced into sexual acts. My god its a terrifying thought. Imagine your daughter turns around to you in the future and says her boss has been using her as a sex slave. Tying her up, raping her, abusing her, following her, doing unspeakable things to her. What would you do? Tell her to lighten up because its in a book and a film so its sexy and ok and laugh it off that she has her own "Mr Grey"? I thought not. Its not all about luxurious private jets and a whip here and there. Its much darker than that. I have a healthy sex life, me and my partner are very happy but I keep it behind closed doors where it should be so dont start thinking im preaching. Theres nothing wrong with a bit of privacy and demure behaviour, its sexy not knowing everything and leaving a little to the imagination.
It doesn't just end with the books that lack morality, respect and demurity. I have seen slippers saying "born to obey Mr Grey" on them recently and that really pissed me off. No one is born to obey anyone, especially my girls, and that's how I saw it. Yes I took it personally and what? Unless you've given birth to a precious life (especially girls) then you cant imagine how hard hitting it was to read from a conserned mothers perspective. It made me shiver, my girls are not born to be someones sex slaves in the future. No fucking way. I have seen sex accessories next to baby items, baby clothes saying things like "I'm here because mummy read 50 Shades Of Grey", "mummy loves Mr Grey". "Mr Grey is my daddy" etc and my god that is disturbing. Next to children's books is the 50 Shades book with the new cover of Ana being pinned up against a wall, an image taken from the film, Ive seen lube next to teething gels, teas and foods using tongue in cheek sayings and the list just goes on. Please stop jumping on the bandwagon brands! Especially near children and baby things because apparently its "mummy porn" and that's where point of sale should be. Stop, just stop. All the while I cant help but feel incredibly sympathetic towards abuse victims, controlled partners, those who cant leave thinking theres no way out and sex slaves. There all over the UK, they could even be next door to you. Not so innocent now is it?
Like I have said I'm no prude or shy. When I'm with friends I can openly discuss things without going overboard. I also see the choice of picking the book up and reading it yourself in your own time, a very personal singular choice. But by putting it on the silver screen it opens up a huge can of worms. Its making it accessible to youngsters, abusers, perverts, those who are subject to abuse, among under age children, victims and those who like inflicting pain on others so when its on DVD release it can be watched at home. With or without someones consent. Its been so glamorised its seen as "acceptable" when it really isn't. I can tell you now, as they get older I will teach my girls to be ladies and respect themselves entirely and if I ever have a son he will be taught to be a gentleman and treat women with respect. I cant control how they act as adults but I hope I can influence them in the right direction to be the people I would like them to be. I have no intention of seeing the film, I don't want to. I am supporting those against. My sex life is utterly brilliant in my eyes thank you, I don't need a young and inexperienced victim being abused by a power hungry, narcissistic, controlling ass hole to try and teach me any different thanks :)
People who enjoy the "lifestyle" and have a different sexual desire than what some would class as "the norm" practise it safely and are in a way professionals. Ive read that professionals do not go to B&Q for ropes and tape, they've actually found this offensive and ridiculous. I have also read numerous blogs/reviews/articles from those who are in "the lifestyle" are enraged that the books depict unsafe ways of doing things, it isn't true to form and its being made a new sexual fad in the most dangerous ways possible. Now surely if those who are part of the "lifestyle" are saying this we have to be honest and really ask, has enough effort and caution been put into this book and is this behaviour honestly acceptable? Or has the author just put a load of heartless smutty words, diabolical descriptions, cras conversation and vulgar sexual encounters together and made a massive buck putting women, men and the younger generation at risk? I think so. What about you?
PARENTS ACTUALLY BUY THIS SHIT?!?
ELLIE
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